Balance: Build an Emotional Connection with Our Daughter

My husband and I are both full time workers and have one kid. Balancing everything and keeping everything in check can be hard sometimes. So many times I get to thinking and don’t keep what’s important in front of me. Than my husband reminds me our kid need us more than any job. She come first. Our mental health comes first. We have to take care of her so she can get better so we can get better also. Balancing is hard to do, and waht makes it easier to balance is having an awesome partner to balance it out wit! My husband and I make a great team. I’m one lucky woman.

Being a mother to an active 2 y.o has shown me a side of my personality, I never knew existed. Having my daughter, perhaps, gives me an insight into her world leading to a deeper empathy and understanding for her behaviour. This is an account of what I sensed in my interaction with my daughter in my neighbourhood.

Children are more flexible than we make them out to be.They have a natural resilience and flexibility to adapt to situations. They live in the moment without grudges, are happy and cheerful. They know within themselves that nature has excellent healing properties. It not only heals the body, but the mind and soul as well.

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Fun Activities for Child

“Is it easier for you to work from home since you have just the one daughter?”

This well-meaning remark actually made me stop and think. Really, is it easier for me? Well, actually it may seem easier but in reality, it is no different.

While the challenges of multiple kids are definitely many, the challenges of an only child aren’t any less. You see, when you have an only child, he or she does not have siblings to hang out with, squabble with or basically, grow up with.

She has YOU.

Keeping an only child engaged and entertained while you try to juggle work, home and other odd jobs in your life as mom needs a fair amount of planning and thinking.

I’ve needed to come up with a few ways to keep our daughter occupied while we work:

{While I use these ideas to keep my only child engaged, I’m sure you can use them just as well with multiple kids as well.}

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Perfectionism

I read a lot.  In particular, I read a lot about how I can be better.  A better parent, a better writer, a better human.

Whilst I know I can never be perfect, there’s a small but maniacal part of my ego that refuses to let go of the belief that if I just work hard enough, perfection can be mine.

I’d like to petition the Oxford English dictionary to redefine perfectionism as an illusion of the human mind: a thing of fantasy that should not under any circumstances be pursued, or at least to carry a warning label advising, ‘side effects of intense frustration and self-doubt, if pursued.’

Whilst I believe growth as a person is achievable and a fundamental part of life (why are we here if not to love, learn and grow?) an over-emphasis on achieving a certain level of growth (usually the Instagram worthy kind) is fraught with black holes just waiting for the unsuspecting personal development junkie (me) to fall down.

Every day we’re bombarded with images, stories and content about the ‘right’ way to do things, or the ‘secret’ to whatever it is we feel we’re lacking.  I should know, I’ve been writing about it for months.

I feel like I’m always searching for the path to contentment, and there have been many times when I’ve been sure I have found it.  But no sooner have my feelings of elation bloomed than something inevitably goes wrong and elation turns to deflation, as the balloon of my excitement is rudely burst by that recurring annoyance that is life.

Yep, life, and all its pesky frustrations, annoyances and problems, honed to a point and always waiting to pop my unsuspecting bubble of joy.  Yet could there be any joy without sadness?  Could there be contentment without discontent?  Peace without conflict?  A Ying needs a Yang, after all.

Today I Am Working On…

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Selamat 2 Tahun, Chiara.

Tepat hari ini, 22 Maret 2021, 2 tahun usiamu Chiara (Ternyata bersamaan dengan ultah blog ini yang udah 9 tahun juga rupanya!). Ibu bahagia kamu tumbuh sehat dan bahagia. Alhamdulillah…masa menyusui 2 tahun tercapai juga, dan sebentar lagi saatnya menyapih yang sesungguhnya baru akan dimulai. Tentunya saat kamu dan ibu juga sudah siap.

Sebelumnya tak pernah menyangka akan ada di titik ini. Dulu ibu gag yakin ibu mampu untuk menyusui, bahkan saat lahiran pun belum beli pompa asi karena saking gag percaya dirinya bisa menyusui apa gag. Tapi rupanya ibu salah besar. Ketidaktahuan adalah musuh besar seorang ibu. Rupanya ibu kurang ilmu soal menyusui. Berkat pencarian info sana sini, tanya ke rekan-rekan yang lebih berpengalaman, serta dukungan dan doa dari orang-orang terdekat akhirnya ibu mampu menjalankan amanat ini. Dari menyusui langsung sampai asi perah. Dari setetes asi jadi berliter-liter asi. Dari yang hanya membasahi pantat botol, hingga berhasil nyetok sefreezer.

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What I’ve Read July 2020: POSITIVE DISCIPLINE-THE FIRST THREE YEARS

Hello beautiful souls, how are YOU today?

Of course it’s that time again where I share what I’ve been reading throughout the month and my thoughts on those books, however, July has been a super slow reading month for me and I’ve actually only completed one book!

So without further ado, let’s get into that one singular review, and of course what I’m currently reading.

Enjoy!

I have been spending a lot of time reading and studying about Positive Discipline parenting techniques over the past year or so. I’ve read several books on the topic already, so I was excited to come across the book Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, (From Infant to Toddler–Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident) by Jane Nelson, Cheryl Erwin, and Roslyn and Duffy. This book is a part of a large series of Positive Discipline books, each geared for a different audience (Teenagers, Preschoolers, Single Parents, etc).

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Diary of a Working Mother

Juggling between work and home becomes a herculean task for us, the Working Mom. Sometimes, I do feel that I am neglecting my daughter or that I am not addressing her concerns. Thoughts like these comes in my mind and leaves me baffles and confused. But I know that we the mothers have been designed by God to be super sensitive and that is why thoughts like these haunt our mind and that is perfectly OK.

I am working for the well being of our family and that family includes me also. My works give me an identity and a sense of independence which makes me happy. So if I am happy then I can create a healthier environment for my daughter. I know that my daughter miss me but I am sure she is learning the art of self-dependence in my absence and becoming responsible day by day.

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Happy 1st Birthday Chiara

Dear Chiara,

I could still feel those goosebumps I had when I heard your heart beats for the first time. From the moment we found out that you would soon be joining our life I felt so blessed, so thrilled! I can hardly believe that today you are One already.

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It seems as though it was just yesterday that you were placed in my arms, though, and I know that you were always meant to be mine. I never knew growing old can be so mesmerizing, but you redefined it. And I must tell you that I love and enjoying every bit of it. I feel so complete. Continue reading

Dear My Daughter, I Just Want You to be Resilient

‘’I just want you to be happy.”

How many parents have uttered this line?

How many children have heard it?

But….

as parents…

When we say these words, are we setting up our children for a lifetime of disappointment?

What does it mean to be happy?

 

Tick- tick-tick precious seconds are accumulating as I’m waiting for you to come up with a sufficient answer…

What is happiness? How do we achieve it? Why do we want that one thing, above all others, for our children? What does it really mean when we say we want them to be happy?

First off- is anyone happy all the time? I know I’m not. We can’t be happy all the time. Our kids expect to be happy and when something takes work, or doesn’t end up according to plan, they get depressed. They wonder what is wrong with them – they wonder why they can’t be happy…because their parents just want them to be happy…and deep down no kid wants to disappoint their parents. Continue reading

Motherhood & Work: How I Survive

I am not a supermom. Supermom doesn’t exist in my house. I’m a juggler. A multi-tasker. A problem-solver. But I’m not a “Supermom” — or this idea of a woman unharmed by the stress of working motherhood.

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As a lot of working moms know, being an “everything mom” (as I call it) comes at the expense of my own mental health. Stress is among the leading causes of physical and emotional health decline in the realm of motherhood, and yet we continue to pour ourselves into everything we do like unintentional martyrs — because it’s expected of us. Continue reading

Motherhood: My Journey Into A Positive Life

It is not the easiest journey, but a determined one for myself and my family. After giving birth to a child, something clicked inside myself to overcome certain tendencies and create a better mindset for myself and for them.

Source: Pinterest

I love the idea of a weekly transformation or challenge to achieve a more positive life and positive mindset. I’ve noticed in my own life that small things can often make a huge difference. I often find myself dwelling on the negative, so taking in the good moments would definitely be a good thing for me.

Positivity stems from our thoughts and way of thinking, as well as learning to be mindful and self loving. Seeing my self in a better light then I have in the past is one of the biggest differences I have made and has truly changed my own behavior and outlook. Continue reading