Taking ownership of your problems was one of the things I learnt from my final year at university, and it has also helped me with my mental health recently. My strength comes from expanding my horizons academically and professionally. Accountability is something that I find to be paramount in any adults life, or at least I feel that it should be. We all have and will continue to face problems, that’s part of life. But it’s how we deal with these problems that is important, and can determine whether we meet our goals and targets we set ourselves. Taking accountability for your problems or actions truly helps you grow as a person. It helps your self confidence and overall personal growth.
I want to therefore use this blog post to discuss why it’s important to take responsibility for our problems and talk about things that have helped me. Sometimes we get caught up in our day to day lives and not take the time to reflect on what we’re living. This encouraged me to analyze within me and execute on what’s needed to be done in order to be where I want to be. I want to note that I am no expert in this topic, and that everyone’s situation is different. Furthermore, different people define the term problem in different ways. Therefore, what I say may not fully relate to your situation, and I understand that.
I have faced difficult situations in the past, but I have learnt something from all of these situations, and I want to share this in this post. I am aware that everyone’s situation is different, but I hope you can relate to some of the things I talk about.
Bad things happen regardless of situations, I think it’s what we learn from those situations that truly changes who we are as people. Some of the hardest things I’ve ever been through have been the making of who I am, and I wouldn’t ever want to change it. As people we are constantly evolving and changing, that’s why when people say to me “You’ve changed” I see it as a compliment. I don’t want to stay the same, I want to keep learning from my mistakes and grow from them.
I of course need to mention here that I don’t know your situations individually, and these are just my thoughts and lessons I have learnt myself from my own situations. If these don’t apply to you then I understand, we are all different and have been through different things.
Have you ever typed an email, erased it, and typed it again as you fight with yourself internally about whether or not to send it because you fear the response? That’s where I was yesterday.
I’m in the process of reading The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey. In one section, Covey talks about how constantly learning helps build trust with others because it shows that you’re willing to grow and change. And one way to figure out what type of changes you’d benefit from most is to seek feedback from those around you.
Feedback Equals Growth This got me thinking about my writing business and whether I’m doing what I can to create happy, loyal clients. I’ve been working with most of them for years, so I know I must be doing something right, yet I’ve still had this nagging voice at the back of my head telling me that I’m not doing enough. That I’m somehow subpar to many of the other writers out there.
So, yesterday, I sat down to write each of my clients an email asking three key questions:
What do you enjoy about my writing services? In what areas do you feel I could improve? Are there any services that I could add that would make it more beneficial or easier to work with me? I had the first email all typed out then erased it completely in a state of panic. What if my clients responded in a way that proved my fears to be true? What if I am, in fact, a subpar writer? Worse yet, what if they pointed out areas where I lacked that I didn’t even realize? Could I mentally handle that type of news?
After taking a few deep breaths and calming myself down, I reminded myself that if I valued my clients as much as I said, their feedback was important to me. And if I was somehow letting them down, the sooner I rectified the situation, the more likely it was that I would keep them as clients long-term. So, I typed the email up again and hit send. I followed this process for all 3 of my regular writing clients. Then came the really hard part. Sitting and waiting for my responses.
Bracing for the Worst The first response came about an hour later. I’m pretty sure I held my breath when opening the email. As I waited for the page to load, I kept telling myself that it was going to be okay. I would survive the response and, in knowing where I was falling short, I could make the necessary changes to keep my clients happy for years to come.
When reading the answer to my first question about what they enjoy about my writing services, I was pleased to learn that they find me to be a “thorough writer that does not require a lot of editing.” This was a pleasant surprise because this was the one client that I felt edited my content most. So, I was expecting the complete opposite response.
Then I moved on to the next answer, the one about where they feel I could improve. That was the question I was really interested in learning the response. Their feedback? “Cannot think of any.” What? Seriously? They didn’t find me lacking as a writer?
To this, I did what most people would do. I didn’t believe them.
I do realize that I don’t totally suck, that I am capable of turning words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs, but everyone has room for improvement. So, I didn’t really take their response as proof of being a good writer. Instead, I shrugged it off and anxiously awaited my next response, hoping it would tell me where I actually lacked.
Why Do We Always Look for the Negative When It Comes to Ourselves? Isn’t this what we often do as humans, shrug off positive feedback while looking for the negative? It’s like we want to prove the ways in which we are “less than,” even if it means totally disregarding everything that we do right.
I think it’s time we quit doing that to ourselves. Yes, there is still great value in finding out where we can learn and grow, but there is even greater value in understanding our personal (and professional) worth. Not that we need to seek constant reinforcement, but reaching out to others from time to time and asking their feedback helps open our eyes to the things we are doing that provide value to others.
I get that this is an incredibly scary prospect because you may sometimes get responses you didn’t expect. For instance, I learned from one client that they wanted more humorous content. This is out of my comfort zone. But it’s good to know that this client is looking for something a little lighter.
Another said that, while they were happy with my services, it would be great to become more familiar with their brands/products.
My point is that sometimes hard-to-ask questions provide unexpected, yet pleasant, responses. Are there any questions you could ask the people in your life that would provide more insight as to how you may be able to grow?
It isn’t easy to sit and wait for the response, but if these are relationships you truly care about, it’s incredibly helpful to know how you can provide more value. Plus, when others see that you’re willing to take additional action to strengthen your personal or professional relationship, it really goes a long way.
That said, you also have to be willing to act on their responses. You can’t just throw out the question and then say, “Okay. Thanks for your input. I’ll file that away.” You actually have to take what they say and use it to grow (as long as it is a reasonable response, of course).
This was a good exercise for me in that 1) it helped me identify how I can provide even more value to my clients and 2) it increased my self-confidence because my clients are overall happy with my work. I hope it provides this type of value to you as well!
The year 2020 is about to end and with the roller coaster ride of this year, this unpredictable year has changed me to some extent. Although I am optimistic about 2021.
A list of new vocabulary became the language of everyday. Corona, lockdown, isolation, positive, virus, pandemic, quarantine, vaccine and so on. Life has never been the same since.
The anger, frustration and helplessness of people spiked along with the cases worldwide. It brought out emotions in mixed bag. Some counted on blessings and bonding while for others it was separation and desperation. Along with physical setback, emotional well being took a toll on people. With work from home and virtual classrooms, meet and greet, celebrations, everything was in an online avatar. Unlock brought in a breather for the economy. People are getting back to work, but fear still looms large. The vaccine coming out brings in a gentle ray of hope.
As we enter the last day of 2020, what are some of the thoughts and prayers that you want to fill in 2021 with? I would like to paint the coming year with vibrant hues of positive vibes.
I feel like I need to write a post because…I haven’t written anything in what feels like ages. I’m not sure why. Honestly, I feel like I have nothing to talk about right now, my creativity bubble in the writing department has completely burst. I was constantly inspired and filled with creativity but I feel like now the world is really taking its toll on me and I’m like…do I believe in magic anymore, though? The world is so cold and even the nice things can’t keep my mind off it for too long. There’s too many bigger things going on for me to sit here daydreaming.
I keep writing things but I’m like eh…I don’t wanna post that, mainly because it’s not substantial enough for a blog post and it feels boring and flat and it’s just not the type of stuff I’m trying to put out. I feel like nothing is really happening right now for me to talk about. Is this what it feels like to be truly sucked into the void? I feel like I’m losing interest in a lot of things right now too and that anything I am currently writing is depressing anyway and again, I’m not trying to post stuff like that.
I wanna be happy for once. Pls go away my anxiety. I’m sure you’re all aware that one of the symptoms of this illness is losing interesting in things you used to love and I’m…trying to fight that really hard right now. It’s heavy.
WOW. I haven’t written a blog post in a LONG TIME. Is anyone else completely shocked that it’s AUGUST? Where has this year gone? In my head it should only be maybe the beginning of May! I can’t believe that this year as unpredictable as it’s been has been is 5 months from being over.
I’ve been wanting to write a post for almost a month now and I have been struggling to find the right words.
This is a weird time. I hate that that’s all I can think to say when describing the current situation of the world.
This situation is so much greater than science, so much greater than politics, and rules that govern us. It feels like there’s a much larger reason, so much farther beyond what we can even understand for why this is happening at such a rapid, unpredictable rate.
Somehow it is December already, the last month of, not only 2019, but also this decade (the 2010s)! 😮Time really flies! And now, well, let’s say that my life is so completely different.
Learning lessons is a little like reaching maturity. You’re not suddenly more happy, wealthy, or powerful, but you understand the world around you better, and you’re at peace with yourself. Learning life’s lessons is not about making your life perfect, but about seeing life as it was meant to be. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
When I look at my Facebook Time-Hop I want to cringe at how annoying I was. Yes, even at 21! Of course, I am sure give it a couple years I will think I am annoying NOW ( I probably am. I own it.)Continue reading →
Process versus product. The dilemma of many people in the workplace. The dilemma of having to decide which one is more important and implement it.
I personally want to believe with all my heart that it is the process that really matters and hope that the product follows from the process. But real world does not agree with me.
When we get into a new project, job or habit, we need time to get used to it, right? Then, it will hopefully click with us, eventually resulting in good products. Well, if only it was that smooth.Continue reading →
My mind can really be a bit rude from time to time! Just as I decide to get a normal (ish) amount of sleep, I start overthinking. Then I’m spinning around my bed like a little possessed demon (whooops, that’s a specificly described image) and I KNOW there is no chance in Hell that I’m actually going to fall asleep anytime soon. The best thing I can do is open up this page and put some thoughts down.
There’s a lot of pressure in being mature. I don’t know how were you guys raised (or how are you raising your children), but I do feel that – as a society – we often push maturity onto kids and teenagers. Of course it’s best if we learn some responsibility from young age, because we can continue to build from a foundation, which is very important. If your parents pamper you too much, chances are you will grow into an arrogant, spoiled adult. It isn’t the rule, but that’s normally what happens.
But … While taking responsibility for our action and being taught about it is very important, I also feel like there’s too much pressure in being mature.Continue reading →
I am in that stage of life when I am constantly changing: growing up and trying to embrace myself with every version of who I might be. And I am not the only one that is changing. Everyone and everything is.
When I was younger, my circle of trust was bigger than it is now. We were all talking about problems to everyone we knew and to whoever was even slightly considered as our friend. Well, our problems used to be different back then anyway. As I started growing up, I had a phase when I couldn’t trust anyone. I was feeling a little blue. I was feeling like I was abandoned by myself and anyone that knew me. I closed myself in and that forced me to learn to trust myself and just solve my issues by my own. When I learned to do that (and it indeed took me some time), I was luckily able to abandon that phase and move on.
Then … I became a mix of my young and my blue self. Which basically leads me to my present self.
My present self likes to manage issues on my own as much as that is possible. I like having myself as a best friend. I have to be confident and happy enough to trust myself. But I also understand one thing my blue self never did. We can’t solve everything by our own. We need people who will be by our side and support us. We need people who are able to either subjective or objective give us advices. When we are ready, of course. Continue reading →